In which I try and catch up, get active and head across the border

This week I have been to the gym twice, gone white-water rafting and surfing, all for the first time. I only mention this because it is pretty much the most active I have ever been and hopefully does something to distract from the fact that I haven’t written anything in a really long time.

To rectify this here is a whistle-stop run down of the past month and a bit: firstly there was the surprise trip home. After making it through the fun of NY I arrived back to freezing Britain two days late, raced around London (managing to hit almost all my favourite pubs) and caught up with lots of people. Then headed up North where I almost gave the family a heart attack by letting off a party popper in my poor Mum’s face as she answered the door and by lurking out of the evening gloom when my Dad and bro came to pick Ciara up from sledging. I won’t be trading in jobs with Aston Kutcher any time soon, felt too mean about punking people and instead of delight I mainly got a mixture of disconcertion and confusion (also Demi is a bit too old for me.) I promptly caught a cold and slept a lot of the time trying to recover from the jetlag and illness. Still was nice to catch up and was great to see everyone again but also made me realise that I shouldn’t be too homesick because life goes on pretty much the same and my loved ones are so lovely as to remain that way.

Full of cold and sinus pressure I dragged my self back on various airplanes and, despite a blizzard in NYC (they know how to keep airports running- take note London!) made it back without problems and arrived in to San Jose airport to find Kayla waiting (Kayla was my best friend in Chile, she’s from the States and is totally awesome and lovely. Brilliantly we have managed to stay friends for the 4 years since Chile and now we were able to reunite on Latin American soil!)

Kayla and I had a brilliant time catching up. After showing her the two bars of Ciudad Colon we hopped on the sweatiest bus known to man or woman and headed down to the south Caribbean-side town of Puerto Viejo. There we went on lovely long bike rides, spotted monkeys and sloths in the trees, hung out at the beach, drank cocktails and spent a mad New Year’s Eve in a bar full of fire-crackers and inside fireworks (I jumped 10ft in the air everytime one went off- I blame this on my root-memories of Belfast but I think I might actually just be a scardy-cat.) Other things we saw that night included a crazy-eyed arm wrestling contest (if looks could kill) and a man walking round the bar using a tiny huskie puppy as the best woman magnet you’ve ever seen. We saw in the New Year dancing crazily to “Baby Got Back” and followed that up by arguing aggressively with some idiot boys from Florida who bought us drinks and then got on to universal healthcare and the right to food and it was all I could do to stop Kayla (rightly) ripping their heads off.

The next morning we dragged ourselves out of bed to head down to Panama. At 10am on the 1^st Jan we were walking, in the drizzly rain, along railway tracks and across a rickety, wooden bridge which linked the two countries. It was a very filmic and dramatic sight but we made it across without being shot by border police or eaten by the crocodiles swimming below. Once in Panama we took taxis and a long, arse-bruisingly bumpy boat ride out to the islands Bocas Del Toro. We stayed on the islands for several luxurious days, went dolphin spotting, accidently went snorkelling when the boat we were on stopped in the middle of the ocean and scuba gear was handed out, lounged on Playa de Estrellas (COVERED in star fish), ate good food and drank nice beer. All in all it was jolly nice!

It was very sad to see Kayla go but soon school had started again and we were back into the busy-schedule of class and parties. Ben and I recently held another open-mic/trivia night which went down really well. I have been overly energetic, as stated above. Oh and between Kayla and school I fit in another trip to Manuel Antonio national park where I saw more wildlife and did a lot more beach-bumming. Life is pretty bloody good. So there we go- just about caught up and I can start being more attentive and interesting in the future.   

Lessons learnt:

I surfed the same break as the current Costa Rican surfing champion. I'm not sure but this may mean I am now the Costa Rican champ. After 2 lessons..... it's possible.

Panama crossings involve rickety bridges and crocodiles- it is like something out of a really lame Indiana Jones.

In which I get stuck in New York- concrete jungle filled with Sesame St characters, photo opportunities and comedy-show -reenactments

Now the cat is out of the bag and has caught a death from cold I can fill people in on the epic journey that was my surprise trip home for Christmas. In a moment of hormonal, home-sickness (I blame listening to Dawn Landes “Dig Me a Hole” on repeat for a week), I had booked tickets home for Christmas. Having told my family the original plan, that I would be travelling around Central America, I decided to keep up the charade and surprise them. Easier said than done with the privacy pulverising Facebook in the mix, but some how, thanks to a combination of my friends’ discretion and their lack of interest I managed to keep the whole thing secret.

The main snag to the plan came slowly rumbling to light as I checked the news on the day I was set to travel and read England, once again, had been caught out and brought to its chilly knocking knees by a unexpectedly seasonal flurry of snow. Blindly optimistic I set off on my journey anyway and it was only when I got to Miami and checked with the staff that I was told, oh actually your flight won’t be getting to Heathrow. So I was given the option, stay in Miami or catch my connection as usual and get stuck in New York. Now I have seen Home Alone 2 so the choice was simple. New York.

Arriving in the first night I found myself completely shattered and bedless in the city that never sleeps. Issue is: I do sleep. A lot. After hours of queuing for information I already had (that the flight would not be heading off any time soon), I found the nearest, “cheapest” hotel and hunkered down for the night. Well it was 9.30pm, I was alone and Wizard of Oz was on TV. Fell asleep just after the part where Dorothy, trying to get home to her family, is stuck in the poppy-field full of snow but then makes it to the glowing lights of the Emerald City. It all seemed very apt. There  is no place like home but while I was trapped here I had big plans to check out all the munchkins!

The next morning I checked my emails to find to my, perhaps not his, delight that a friend, Stephane, from UPEACE was also stuck in New York. Plus he was staying in a lovely, swanky hotel on Broadway... so I promptly invited myself along and after a long subway ride next to a mentally ill but very friendly guy I was in the centre of Manhattan and ready to explore. I had a quick wander around and discover our hotel was three blocks from Times Square, the glamour, if anything being added to by the presence of people dressed as SpongeBob and Elmo on the streets. It was like I had wandered into the TV, and all the channels were playing at one.

I’d agreed to meet Stephane at 11am and sure enough, on the dot the elevator doors opened and there he was. The rest of the day was a montage of brilliant moments. Like an seasoned New Yorker I showed Stephane around Times Square, mumbling “hey I’m walking here” under my breath to anyone that came near. Stephane got a picture with Minnie Mouse and as she held out her hand after I realised she expected payment and felt very much like the naive little country mouse in the big city. Where I’m from the mascots on the street are in it for the love of the game.

I assured Stephane that I had a pretty good innate sense of direction and would get us around. I then proceeded to take us in EXACTLY the wrong direction at every turn. After walking for twenty minutes and not finding Central Park we found instead Madison Square Gardens and Penn Station. I also found myself a giant pretzel and had to squirrel most of it away for future snacks. We managed to get ourselves to 5^th Avenue and there found a kind of photo-booth where you could dress up in hideous Christmas gear and get a photo, all for a donation to charity. Like they say, when in Rome... dress as a giant Christmas-present and pose infront of a fake fire place.

I, eventually after several wrong turns, dragged Stephane to Rockafellar Square where we watched the ice-skating, looked at the Christmas tree and I recreated every moment from the opening sequences of 30 Rock. Stephane had never seen the show but was very patient and polite, diplomatically commenting that my face looked “interesting in that photo”. Well it should I was being Kenneth.

We found the Empire State building but were both under-whelmed by it. They should never have gotten rid of the giant ape, it really finished it off nicely. The Chrysler was much better. From there were headed down 5^th Ave, sparkling with Christmas lights and finally found Central Park where we saw a break-dancing squad, carol singers, 50 half naked rugby boys, some aging extreme Frisbee players and big bird having a chat. We also stopped at every hat and glove stand and piled on the layers (I only had a raincoat from Costa Rica and so was wearing every jumper I had with me- it was still freeeeezing).

Later we got the subway to China town and who should be sitting opposite us but.... Todd, the bongo playing third Conchord from Flight of the Conchords. It was all I could do not to say Arf Arf. Stephane had never seen that show either (honestly it as if the French have better things to do than watch hours of TV) so was a bit confused as to why I was bouncing up and down with excitement.

Having finally calmed down we got some Chinese food, searched in vain for Brooklyn Bridge, grabbed a taxi home and stopped off at Times Square again to see it all lit up. Staring up at the big, neon lit billboards Stephane said “you know, just once in my life I think I should get my face up there.” The universe must have been listening because the next second the ad we were looking at flashed over to reveal a sign saying “Get your 15 seconds of fame, come in doors and get your photo taken.” Well you can’t ignore the universe, especially when it messaging you through a 50ft TV screen, so we got our best poses on in the shop and 5 mins later we were stood in Times Square watching our huge faces flashing up next to Hollywood stars and signs for Broadway shows. It was brilliant! So I can tick “Get my face on Broadway” off the list. I only wish I had had my Christmas present outfit from before.

Feeling like the stars we had been for 5 minutes we headed back to the hotel, sat in the incredibly plush bar and drank Manhattans and Cosmopolitans until the bar shut and our bank balances had run dry.

The next day I had to leave for the airport at 12 so we got up and headed off to nerdishly drool over the United Nations building. We took the tour and got to go inside the General Assembly room while they were in session. Couldn’t hear what was going on but pretty sure everyone was just chatting away on Facebook saying “OMG did you see what BKM just said! Happy face, angry face.” By the time we’d earmarked where our future offices would be it was time to go and I got the shuttle to the airport and held my breath while the plane was delayed and delayed and finally went! Off I flew to English snowy fields and to scare the living daylights out of my unsuspecting family. All in all, the best possible disaster.

Lessons learnt:

I mainly listened to Fairy tale of New York and Last of the Melting Snow (Leisure Society).

If you haven’t seen Home Alone 2 (like Stephane), spending hours in Central Park trying to find a bird-lady ally may seem a waste of time.

The General Assembly building is totally falling apart. Big damp patches and everything. The guide said, I wouldn’t be surprised if one day that balcony falls off. I might have to get into the Security Council instead. They probably have a retrospectively cautious plan to address having had a balcony fall on you. But it would be vetoed by China just because they know how to build walls that last.

In which I make a pilgrimage, have a breakdown and salsa the night away

So though some time has passed and I have been busy organising Christmas concerts, toy-drives and sponsored runs I thought I really should finish up writing about Cuba.

So when I left off last time we’d spent a few days in Havana and had acclimatised ourselves to the attempted scams and had actually become super cynical to the point where when the taxi driver took us to the bus station I was sure he was trying to rip us off when he was actually just taking us to the proper station.  Isabelle also found the smiling and nodding your head when she doesn’t understand people’s Spanish doesn’t always work out, especially when the taxi driver is saying you girls don’t like me with dark skin, you think we’re ugly right? Ah inadvertent taxi racism.

We got the bus down to the centre south of the island to the town of Cienfuegos, (meaning 100 fires). Ironically given the name, five minutes after we arrived there was a town-wide powercut. We ended up eating dinner in a paladar (where people’s front rooms are converted into mini restaurants- with 4-5 tables), in the pitch black being serenaded by the most beautifully-voiced singers. Very surreal, and you would pay a fortune to go to the pitch-black restaurant in London. We walked home in the pitch black along unfamiliar streets aware of the movement from the doorways where residents of Cienfuegos regularly sit out on their doorsteps and chat to each other. In fact just hanging out on the doorstep seems to be the primary form of leisure activity in this town.

We were staying with a very friendly couple who were both doctors and rented their room out on the side. They made us pina coladas and we had a lovely chat about all sorts of things. Restricted by the powercut we had a early night.

The next day we crammed onto a bumpy, run-down bus and trundled away to the seaside. As is standard on all our trips a young child vomited next to Isabelle (once is gross, more than once you have to start wondering about the effect you have on small children.) Found the beach, roasted in the hot sun and went for a lovely swim. We got back to town on a very loud, crammed in bus and freshened up before heading out to explore the non-re-illuminated bright lights of Cienfuegos nightlife. Started off in a very tiny, Cuban-only bar where we were quickly joined by the only other 2 men in there. Was quite nice to chat although I had said we don’t talk Spanish to give us a get out clause (Cuba brings out the liar in me), and then had to act really hard to not react to what they were saying in Spanish. After that we headed to a club called Benny’s where we hung out with a nice group of Cuban’s and tourists (6 ft 5 skin head from Salamanca, Spain, mid-40s playwright called Dante from Italy, plus young Cuban kids called Bryan and co.- looking around at our merry group I swear we looked like something out of Lord of the Rings). Drank rum, met a guy we’d met early who had come up to us at dinner and said “oh i saw you guys in Havana- let’s meet up later”, but turned out he was just a really European looking Cuban trying to fool us.  

The next day we found a bargain taxi driver and started out on the very long drive to Santa Clara. It was lovely to sit back and watch the flat fields of sugarcane monotonously rolling by... that was until the beat-up Fird Fiesta started spluttering the way and finally gave up the ghost and broke down right in the middle of nowhere.  After much pushing, and huffing and puffing we managed to get it going again and, holding our breath, rattled on to Santa Clara. The city its self was pretty underwhelming but we were there to visit Che’s tomb. Was an impressive site with an interesting museum but is all a bit strange with the deification of a man who’s claim was to be one of and for the people.

Our journey came full circle as we headed back in a collective taxi (with, unfortunately, the most overwight Cubans I’d seen since getting here.) Was great t get back to Havana after the quiet, understatement of the other cities. We wandered the streets with a homecoming joy, ate a lunch to tapas, did some shopping and then got ready for our last night out in Cuba.

First we headed out to eat at La Guardia, a paladar which had been set up in the flat used in the firlm Fresa y Chocolat, and a place I had been too poor to visit last time I was here (Eve and I had asked if we could stick out heads in the door without buying anything.) This time we sat in the relative opulence and ate nice food, mojitos and two very chocolatey desserts!

From there we had a quick power nap then headed down to the main street to find a good bar. We didn’t need to look far because soon enough we stumbled across a street party, full of salsa dancing and generally a fun atmosphere. We soon got chatting to two Cuban guys and had a crash (not kidding) course salsa lesson which soon made us the focal point, and probably chuckling point, of the street. Danced away and then we headed on with the guys to a discoteca where there was more salsa lessons (got quite dictatorial- a lot of not like that like this- Isabelle and I tried to teach them some of our patented disco moves but they were having none of it. After the disco we headed out to the Marecon, the sea wall where we sat and listened to the sea and tried to divide the boats’ lights on the ocean from the stars. All rather romantic and nice to use the Marecon the way the Cuban’s do- as a cheap date location. Headed home and packed up all ready for our flight out the next day.

Lessons learnt:

The cheapest taxi option is not always the best, unless you like your journeys to involve some cardio-vascular workout

Hiding from the 20 mins of rain we had the whole trip we ducked into a bookstore where I spent $60 on film posters. No-one needs that many film posters. Especially when you don't own, or plan to own, any walls. You can try and escape capitalism but it will find you.

Che was a man. He did some very cool things. It is weird how he has been made into a deity and a logo rolled into one. I'm not sure he would have liked this. (I still remember reading his diaries the first time in Cuba. "Day 2: We are low on drinking water. I think I remember reading somewhere if you mix sea-water and drinking water together it goes further. Day 3: Everyone is sick." He is a legend just for that.)

In which I enjoy some Havana nights, politicize icecream and find there ain't no party like the Communist Party.

A few weeks ago I woke up with a hangover and an email stating I and my friends Isabelle had just bought ourselves a ticket to Cuba. This being one of the less dramatic and dangerous fall-outs from a night of partying I was happy, and besides we had plenty of time to plan the details. However, it appears time in Central America moves faster than back home, much like water going to wrong way down the drain in the Southern hemisphere (and yes I realise that comparing time passing to water down a drain is a pretty darn depressing analogy... all the more reason to carpe the diem and live it up in Cuba.)

Touching down in Havana and driving in to town past all the huge propaganda posters brought me right back to my trip here three years ago with Eve (it had been our graduation treat to ourselves- though were so poor we ate nothing but cheap rum and rice and subsequently got very sick- a money saving trick of it own, you can’t spend money if you are laid out.) We even stayed at the same lady’s house that Eve and I stayed at. In Cuba if people have a spare room they can rent it out to tourists to make some extra money (the taxes from the renting go to building new houses for couples- which is nice.) Our taxi wove its way through the dilapidated grandeur of Havana’s centre to the apartment. Stepping back in side was like déjà vu, the high ceilings, the central open courtyard; even though the outside was, like most houses on the street, slowly crumbling, inside was as beautiful as ever.

Miriam, the lady we stayed with had two rooms and we stayed in the different one to Eve and I last time, though we shared an intersecting bathroom. I had a very weird Borges-eque moment when in the bathroom I spotted someone’s contact-lense equipment, remembered the eye-trouble Eve had had with her contacts last time (necessitating an exploration of Cuba’s renowned eye-doctors) and had the strangest feeling that we were staying in a room next to Maeve from 3 years ago. They say video games are bad for the mind but I swear Argentinean surrealists can mess you up.

We spent the next two days exploring Havana- this city takes a hold of you, the classic cars nonchalantly cruising down the streets, crumbling facades and colours everywhere. Our casa particular (the house) was in a fairly plain neighbourhood but walk 5 mins down the road and the street opens like the mouth of a river to the Prado, the main street. Here it is easiest to see the luxurious grandeur of a world frozen in the 50s- the Hotel Inglaterra, National Theatre and Capitolio (huge, domed, ex-presidential palace) peer down on the bustling street below.  

We also did a fair amount of hanging out in my favourite square, the Plaza de Armas in the old quarter. These days the plaza is full of second hand books stalls, brimming over with political writing and fiction (I got myself some Marx and Hemmingway- when in Rome.... mobilize the proletariat and go fishing.) I also love that the “Arms Square” is full of books- the revolution will be fought with ideas not weapons.

We managed to actually find some good food to eat too, though I still got more than my fair share of plain rice and tomatoes (unfortunately my vegetarianism didn’t allow me to try the “gizzard and banana sword” at one restaurant. When, oh when, will the world make Quorn gizzard?!) I also dragged Isabelle all over town looking for the famous Coppelia ice-cream parlour where a key scene from seminal gay-rights movie Fresa y Chocolate, thus combining my hobbies of being a massive geek and eating massive amounts of icecream. Unfortunately they were out of strawberry icecream (the symbol in the film for homosexuality) so I had to have carmel and chocolate- I don’t know what this says about sexual freedom... icecream eating shouldn’t be so political.

The only downside to Havana, and the other cities we visited, was that everywhere we went, (and I mean everywhere), we were serenaded with cat-calls and this weird psst psst noise that seems to be a less energetic form of wolf-whistle. It was incessant and got very very annoying. I blame Isabelle for  being a blonde, lovely Swede, (in fact as much as I hated the cat-calling it was a bit of a blow to the ego to hear them all say “linda rubia”- beautiful blonde. I wanted to shout “Shut up you misogynist pricks... and what am I chopped liver?!” Ah the feminist-egoist’s paradox.)

Other snapshots from Havana:

Walking along from the sea-wall at sunset I turned around to see some kids had grabbed Isabelle’s camera and were pulling on her bag. Her being awesome and tough she held on for dear life, I screamed “DEJALO!” (Spanish for LEAVE IT!) and the scamps ran off, dropping the camera on the way. So Isabelle got robbed but didn’t lose anything.

I was stopped in the street by a guy that asked where I was from, I said England and he got super excited and said “ahhhh Ali G- Booyakasha!” There is very little one can say in return to that.

We had a great night out by accident. We met some Cuban guys on the streets and they told us about a cool area to go out. We jumped into a collective taxi and zoomed off back to the North of Havana, right next to the icecream parlour we’d walked so far to find earlier that day. Now admittedly we broke all the rules in the book- allowing ourselves to be picked up by drunk guys on the street and guided to unknown places but I trust my instincts and in the end it turned out to be a great night (except a guy who was chatting me up suddenly stopped, looked at my stomach and said “oh wait are you pregnant”! Worst chat-up line ever.)My non-existent unborn baby and I ended up in this great reggae club filled with rastas. Thought I was getting a lesson in rasta philosophy from this brilliantly-turbaned guy, all about seizing the day and living life to the full, but turns out he was trying to persuade me to cheat on my imaginary-excuse boyfriend (quite the phantom family was forming). Years of skanking to ska helped on the dance floor and we danced the night away (totally sober), before trying to escape by going to the toilet, though we were followed. Shook off most of our want-to-be suitors and got a classic-car taxi home along the sea-front. They tried to charge us $40- I laughed in his face and gave him $6. A day of exploiting our attempted exploiters, dancing, icream and a lot, and I mean a lot, of walking. The next few days would take us out of Havana, though the adventures would continue....

Lessons learnt:

Repeating the same word continuously does make a coherent, persuasive argument. Being asked “taxi?” four-hundred times, despite having said no the first time, is not a great business model.

Smile nicely enough you can get yourself up to the private, roof-top bar of nice hotels... and then nurse the cheapest drink for an hour while taking in the view. Almost setting the place on fire due to a latent pyromaniac desire to play with candles is less likely to be tolerated.

There are a lot of very buff-body builders in Havana- apparently the body politik isn’t the only thing the Cubans have been attending to. 

In which life gets rain-checked, I tick off another childhood dream and I go on the run from the law

You know how estate agents use those euphemistic terms like “cosy” and “bijou”  to linguistically hood-wink their prospective clients (yes I admit I occasionally watched A Place In the Sun, mainly when the remote was too far away to warrant expending the energy needed to change the channel.) Well it turns out my place in the sun has been rather imposed upon by what the guidebooks so charmingly call “rainy season” but which is, it turns out, a period when 2/3 of the world’s water supply is flung from the sky in a constant and torrential deluge onto our little town.

Don’t get me wrong, being from Britain I secretly like nothing more than being able to complain about the weather (there is not so much call for debating the price of fish and chips here), the issue here is the rain has gotten pretty dangerous in the past few days. You may have seen on the news there’s been serious landslides in a suburb of San Jose not too far from here. As for us, our usually fairly treacherous road to uni just turned into something out of a video-game, with falling boulders and bits of road dropping away over the side of a cliff (and giant mushrooms that give you super-powers if you jump on them).

The rains really started coming down last Wednesday and we were called on Thursday morning to say campus would be closed. Unfortunately the rains also caused a power-cut and, ironically, our water supply cut off. Stinky and sat in the dark it wasn’t the funnest day, so I de-camped to my friend who was house-sitting our ex-diplomat, professor’s house equipped with all the modern luxuries of flushing toilets and functioning lightbulbs. The next day the uni team decided we should go to school so we took a harrowing hour’s journey edging up the mountain in a big yellow school bus only for the heavens to open again and for us to be sent home early before the entire place dissolved.

But honestly I got away so luckily, a lot of people died in the landslides in Escazu and a few friends here in Ciudad Colon were evacuated from their homes because it looked like a dam was breaking and the river was going to flood. To be honest I had a bit of a strange experience, my friend Marion and the two girls staying with her were evacuated because Marion’s house is right on the river.  She called to say could she come here and of course I said she should come on over, it was pouring down and had had to hurriedly pack all her prized possessions. I then went and checked with flatmates all of who said it was ok except one girl who said she didn’t want them staying because we didn’t have much water for showering. Now, as Ciara will be saying to her computer screen, my attitude towards showing may be slightly more lax than your average person’s but I was pretty shocked, I hadn’t prepared myself for the notion that anyone studying at the University for PEACE would turn away people in need. But Marion managed to find somewhere else for her and her friends to stay and I learnt a lesson about making assumptions on people’s characters. Generally though it has been wonderful to see how all the students have pulled together and taken care of each other.

Ok other news..... Well for one glorious week I had a dog! Diego’s cousin Daniel was driving down the road when the car in front of him opened its door and kicked out a beautiful golden retriever onto the road. Shocked Daniel stopped, opened his door and the traumatised door jumped right in. Now, Daniel lives on the 6^th floor of a block of flats so he asked if he could bring the dog round to us while he looked for a home for it (we’re not allowed to keep pets here- boooo- but the landlady said he could stay while we found a home). We named the poor thing Stinky Pete and ironically christened him by giving him a good wash to get rid of the smell. The next week was lovely- insert montage scenes of me walking the dog, trying to teach a Golden Retriever to play fetch, trying to teach a Golden Retriever the ancient art of alchemy, slowly winning the poor thing’s trust, etc. But after a week the other flatmates were sick of him, and possibly my constant goofy grin and dog slobber covered clothes, and Diego’s parents agreed he could stay with them, which is great cos it means I can still see him on weekends and every other Tuesday.

I also managed to get myself to a gig, Green Day came to San Jose and at the very last minute we decided to go. There is a very ridiculous story I can’t really go into here but it basically involves me and my friend Isabelle almost getting arrested twice but instead getting chatted up by the policemen involved, giving them our numbers and then getting 53 missed calls from said weirdos that night. I fought the law and the law persistently tried to hit on me. Anyway it was a very fun night of bouncing around at the gig and scurrying into taxis post gig on the run from the cops, I finally got an opportunity to jump into a taxi and shout “JUST DRIVE!” to the poor, bewildered, Spanish-speaking taxi driver.

So basically there hasn’t been any travelling, because we’ve mainly been trapped in this town letting the days go by and the water hold us down, but I’d been having fun, doing lots of work (Mum and Dad!), almost getting arrested (Bad-ass friends), have found an awesome singing partner and am teaching him all of Slow Club’s back catalogue so we have a little sing virtually every night, and generally holing up from the rain.

In two weeks, weather permitting, Isabelle and I are off to Cuba (this is a girl who has been banned from Mexico because of a “Spring break” incident- I pick the best travel partners!) So holding out for that to sate the travel-bug. For now am enjoying the intermittent sunny spells and excuses not to start training for the 5k Santa Run which I know all you delightful people will be sponsoring?  Pretty please?

Lessons learnt:

When other classes can’t go to campus they will creatively find new places to hold classes. International law students will say “ah screw it then” and just go back to bed- this is a quite worrying prospect for future legal challenges to human rights.

Even though it got vetoed Yo Momma is still, in my opinion, the greatest dog's name possible. "I tried to go for a walk by Yo Momma kept humping my leg", "What smells so bad- Yo Momma", etc.

It is quite frustrating when it has been raining for 3 days straight but you can't get a glass of water from your tap.

In which I am shaken and a little stirred, on the volcanic rocks and with a childish twist.

Oh hey parents... look over there....

Ok while they’re distracted I can quickly tell you about the drama of the past week. First- there’s been a moider (murder) in our tiny, sleepy town. Apparently a drug dealer was killed by a pirate taxi driver (illegal, not really a pirate, many times I have been disappointed by the lack of in-car parrots). This is the second murder in Ciudad Colon in 10 years and apparently the man killed was the suspect in the first murder case! So suddenly things have gotten dramatic- but if you haven’t been sufficiently distracted parents don’t worry, as long as I am not encouraging people to snort the plank I’ll be fine.

Secondly- last Friday we had a 5.9 Richter scale earthquake. You’ll be pleased to hear I kept my cool so while I did admittedly run out into the garden shouting I managed not to scream “this is it, it’s the apocalypse, the sky is falling.” Our Japanese flatmate came out to find me and the other two girls bouncing round the garden and, having felt many an earthquake before, gave us the most withering look possible, while still vibrating slightly.

To recuperate from all this excitement and from a three week crash course in international public law me and three friends (Marion (France), Isabelle (Sweden) and Ben (UK), took a long weekend to a place called Arenal, four hours north of San Jose. As we stiffly dragged ourselves off the bus we were warmly welcomed by the sight of a huge volcano looming over the town, its peak hidden amongst cloud and smoke. Had to hope the rule of threes wouldn’t come into play- didn’t need any more drama, especially with an active volcano so nearby.

We grabbed some lunch, found a $10 hostel with a pool and jacuzzi then headed off on a 6 hour tour. It started slowly with the guide showing us a coffee plant  and saying “look- have you ever before in your life seen a coffee plant?”!” to which we had to reply, well we drive for 20 mins through coffee plantations every morning so you’re going to have to up your game buddy. Fortunately things got awesome pretty quickly when we rounded a corner to see an amazing, wide waterfall. Within seconds we’d stripped off and plunged ourselves into the freezing, turbulent water below. It was great fun getting bashed around by the current and battling to get ourselves hidden behind the waterfall. Other people were climbing up the side and jumping off but the best our little group got was me divebombing off a log at the side of the pool.

From there we headed on up hills and across cable suspension bridges back to a lookout in the shadow of the looming volcano where we watched the sun go down and strained our eyes trying get a glimpse of the red-hot lava dribbling from the mountain.

Having warmed up with mint tea and coffees we headed off in a minibus only to come screeching to a halt to look at a snake and two, tiny, brightly coloured frogs. Having got our fill of the cold blooded we moved on to trail our way to the edge of a fast-moving river. By this time it was pitch black and we only had a few torches showing us the way. No amount of light could have prepared us for what came next though; we peeled off our still damp clothes and stepped into the river- it was boiling! Hot springs, warmed by the underground magma turned the river into a bubbling, natural Jacuzzi. We started on a concrete slab, were instructed to sit down and then without warning were pushed down, off the ledge waterfall into the natural pool below. It was blissful lounging in the river. The fast current meant staying in one place was a challenge but if you lodged yourself tightly behind a good rock  the river pummelled you a natural massage.

I had one of my most beautiful moments since coming here holding onto a creeper hanging from a tree at the river edge, lying star-fished on my back and feeling the hot river holding me up and pulling me away. Above us the stars peeked through the trees and were echoed by the glimmer of fireflies flickering in the trees above. Magical. (I also discover less spiritual fun, the fast pace of the river meant, holding onto the creeper, you could hurl yourself forward like Tarzan swinging through the trees- think my screaming broke the peace a bit.)

We also discovered that the concrete ledge we had slid off created a little waterfall that you could duck under. Underneath there was a gap and if you held your breath and ducked under that there was an airpocket below and a secret cave.

Just when we thought things were over and we were heading out the guide showed us this long tunnel made from a big bridge going over the river (about 50m long). If you went up river you could lie down in the very shallow, warm water and let the current pull you head first and backwards down the tunnel, through the darkness, towards the light of the guide’s torch at the other end. It felt the way people describe dying: floating warmly towards the light. Thankfully the guide was there to catch us at the last minute before we tipped over the waterfall to certain pain below.

Exhausted, damp but incredibly happy we headed back to town and grabbed a rather fancy dinner. We met up with another girl from uni then a few of us headed to a very sleazy club, full of 14 year old boys. Stuck it out for an hour then home to much needed bed.

The next day we went on a half hour walk down a big hill and found another massively tall waterfall. Absolutely freezing but had some more swimming fun then I had a great time exploring jumping from rock to rock, felt just like being 8yr in Wales again. I now have the same bruised and grazed shins as I had then too. Dragged ourselves back up the hill and back onto the bus for 4 hrs, most of which were taken up with Ben regaling us with tediously long and funny stories. Another brilliant weekend but ow my body aches afterwards!

Other than that uni is going fine and I have started volunteering at a kind of childcare/after-school centre in a under-privileged neighbourhood of San Jose. It takes about an hour on two buses to get to the centre: a tiny room packed with toys. To get there you walk down a dusty dirt track next to the railway line, in the shadow of a huge factory. As soon as I arrived though I knew it was worth the trek, I had barely gotten through the door when I was jumped on by 25 2-10yr each one giving me a massive bear-hug and then eagerly showing me how they could do cartwheels (in a room the size of an average bedroom. (Not my average bedroom, that would be ridiculous)).

I was quickly force-fed a feast of plastic food and then squeezed (one arm at least) into every dress-up outfit they had. It turns out entertaining children is easy- they were all ecstatically happy if I just lifted them up, so tired arms but happy children. So far I have just spent my time there drawing them lions and elephants (I had requests for flowers but I told them that is boring, they’ll have to have cartoon jungle creatures and like it), playing games and reading stories (great for the Spanish, if I don’t know a word I just say “where in the picture is the XX” and those gullible little angels point it right out- mwahaha).

There is one silent, very shy little 6 year old boy, the other day I was playing cards with a group of girls and he came up behind me with a fireman hat on which I said looked great. I would turn round every couple of minutes and he’d be stood there silently with one other fancy-dress item on. By the end I turned round he was wearing a fireman’s hat, a knight’s shield, comedy glasses, a Mickey-Mouse nose, a dragon head-piece and was holding a painter’s roller. I think I cried laughing and got a big, very rare smile from him.

They can’t remember my name so they just call me “La Gringa” (the foreigner). I probably need to come up with something educational to do next time though, just picking them up is probably not that beneficial to their long-term development, though it is a good work-out for me.

Yesterday I went again and at the end there were just 3 little 5 year old girls left. We’d been cutting and sticking and they decided to make themselves paper-moustaches and in that moment I suddenly massively missed my London ladies (every night out would inevitably end with Ella making us elaborate paper-facial hair) and realised how we had exactly the same sense of humour as 5 year olds. So when the lady that runs the place came over she just looked at me as if to say- why would you let children glue paper to their faces?! I think my shaking with laughter gave my response- because they look flipping hilarious and just like my best friends!

Last night I also met up with a Scottish girl called Laura who I met when we were at Amnesty in Chile. She knows one of my uni mates from when they lived in El Salvador (tiny world). We went to a Salvadorian art display then for food and drinks in San Jose. Was great to see her after 4 years.

So better go, have a presentation to give tomorrow on a case brief on a case that happened in 1946, never say International Law is boring! Off to the beach this weekend so just need to hold on til then.

Lessons learnt:

Bashing yourself on rocks makes the water feel less cold- I think it is the blood rushing about. It will not, however, be a great look when you get out.

Children all the world over are united in their love of slapstick (it is even funnier if you fall over by accident).

When a teacher introduces a module as “perhaps the most exhausting and boring week of your life” he is most certainly not lying.

The children are our future, and the future looks like a career-confused Disney character.

I which I enjoy pina coladas (read as tequila) and getting caught in the rain, learn from the spy-school of law and get itchy, wet feet.

Haven’t written anything for a while because in a lot of ways it has been a calmer couple of weeks, in that I haven’t traversed the globe in an obscenely short time. This is largely due to the fact that my mum and my body ganged up against me and told me I had better just sit still for a bit and recover (I got a gruesome cold). Then Mother nature intervened and sent an ocean’s worth of water down as rain prompting the government to call a national emergency and many roads to be shut for fear of landslides. Didn’t stop us going to uni though, oh no, just caused a lot of wet feet. (I have been constantly singing 'If you like pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain' but I don't know how it ends so it just morphs into 'there's lots of tiny little people, they're called the Poddington peas...etc' Is it just me or are those two the same song?)

So to make up for the claustrophobia of the rain’s constant curfew we have had quite a few parties this week. The first was at the Head of International Law’s house as a welcome to the department. Unfortunately the whole Costa Rica not having road names or house numbers caused its usual havoc so by the time we arrived we had been chased by dogs, I had fallen up to my shins in a bog and we had, in our desperation, called the uni’s emergency help line to ask where the party was.  Was a lot of fun when we finally got there though and later moved on to Ciudad Colon only to find Oskar’s is shut!!! Obviously I had a major panic but it turns out that this is a one horse, two bar town so we went to dance at this other place, where they serve tequila far too readily.

Other parties included going out in San Jose, a poker night at our house (when the one guy who knew how to play came back from the bathroom to find us all super impressed Allison had gotten three pairs and beaten us all. We are pretty amateur). We also had a brilliant one at some of the students’ house, which is essentially a mansion! It has a huge living space, a mezzanine and the trunk of a tree as a central pillar. Anyone that knows me around trees can imagine what I attempted after a beer or two. The house has all this ‘jungle’ around it and is just completely stunning (plus they have a puppy), I am jealous. Mine just has a jungle of industrial ants and Diego who is as energetic as a puppy. It is not the same.

So since I have been forced to stay still maybe it is time to say more about Ciudad Colon. We’re a tiny little town with a surprisingly large number of shoe shops (think mobile phone places in Northwich). It is pretty quiet and the most dangerous things, (other than my nemesis dog, who despite being 20cm high still manages to scare the life out of me when I walk home), are the pot holes. The roads get fairly dark at night and there are whole chunks of some of the roads missing. If you don’t watch your step you could end up in some toasty magma.

We have a cool farmers’ market on Saturdays so when I am not too lazy (most weekends) I can go and haggle for misshapen tubers.

School has gotten really interesting even though I am having to force myself to get through the tons of reading we have- I may be an intellectual narcoleptic, I generally fall asleep after every paragraph. We get picked up by a big, yellow, American style school bus from our house each morning. Our professor is clearly very smart but has started to adjust his analogies in an attempt to engage us. So we keep talking about ‘say everyone had the right to play poker’, or ‘what if you had a Porsche but you weren’t allowed to drive it, despite it being your right’. I think he may be confusing us with James Bond.

Speaking of which it appears me and the other guy from the UK can say anything and people think it’s hilarious because of our British accents! I think when I talk people just think I sound like Mr Bean or someone from Monty Python so they assume what I am saying is humorous.  This is nice for the ego but makes talking about genocide and human rights abuse an oddly comic affair.

Am also writing my article and introducing people to all the UK comedy DVDs I have brought. Boosh and Father Ted going down well, putting in the ground work to introduce the genius of Iannuchi. Have an exam this week and then a 3 day break so we’re all making crazy plans and hoping the rain doesn’t ruin them.

That’s all for now. Must get back to reading, I need a doze.

Lessons learnt:

You can put 4 international law students in a taxi, it does not mean any of them will have researched where they are meant to be going.

If you fall asleep after every paragraph on war crimes you will probably have some nasty dreams.

Tequila makes me happy, but then significantly less happy.